A Fighter!

These pictures were taken Feb 16th, just a couple weeks after we found out that my Poppy had pancreatic cancer. At this point we were SO hopeful that the tumor was resectable, but it wasn't. I can honestly say that was the WORST day of my life so far. It was devastating to know my Poppy had terminal cancer and that he didn't have much time left with us. My Poppy is not the kind of old person that just sits in a home and dies. He fights for everything, always! After his open heart surgery he made life changes because he wanted to be around for a long time, and see us grow up.
My Poppy had a stroke just a couple weeks after his failed surgery and is no longer able to speak. I try to visit him everyday and everyday he says "hi sweetheart", I love to hear him say that. I love the sound of his voice. Some days he will tell me I'm pretty or some other cute thing, but our days of "chit chat" are over and that is so hard! I want to ask him so many questions. I want to know what his favorite memory is and so on. I just want to talk about things, but the conversation never lasts more than a few minutes, and he tunes out.
When we took Poppy home after his stroke we had to make the choice to put him on hospice and that was so hard for us. In my mind that was throwing in the towel and honestly I just wasn't ready for that and I never will be. I am SO scared of losing my Poppy. I am selfish and I want to keep him forever even if it means he is sick. I know a lot of people say "it is better this way." I just don't see how things can be better without him. He is a man that has taught me so many things. He is a father to me in so many ways. He and Granny babysat me when I was little, and then my kids for 10 years until I quit working...he is amazing! Poppy always told me that he wanted to live long enough to see Sammie graduate high school and I just don't think that dream can come true anymore.
My Poppy is a very sick man and I just need to cherish every day I have left with him. The only thing that brings me comfort is the fact that I have no regrets in our relationship. He loves me and I love him and we both know it!  He loves my kids SO much and they love him back. We have a close relationship and knowing that makes me happy! I love my Poppy so much and will continue to help him fight as long as he wishes! It is never time to throw in the towel...EVER!!!