Poppy!

It has been 7 weeks since Poppy passed away and I must say it has been the hardest 7 weeks of my life. Most people seem to think you should be over the death of your loved one by now and no one asks how you're doing at this point; or cares to hear you cry. The hardest thing for me is that life goes on, but my life has stopped completely. There are good days and bad days and the last few have been rough. The word "miss" doesn't describe the void I feel every day. Some days I know Poppy is gone and other days I wait for him to walk in the door. I love to call Granny and Poppy's house and hear his voice on the answering machine. Every time I think about him being gone it takes my breath away - it hurts so much. My Granny just told me today that she gave away the wine sweater in this picture. I know she can't keep everything and that for her this must bring her peace but for me I am keeping every toy that he bought my kids, I am holding on so tight. I just want him to come back so bad. I always knew that it would be bad when he passed but it's even more difficult than I imagined. Hadley had a special bond with Poppy too, of all my kids she talks about him the most. She mentions him everyday. Today she told me she wants and picture of Poppy at her birthday so he can be at her party. She has also told me that she is sad that Poppy won't be here to get a picture with Poppy when her babies are born. The truth is my kids are young and Sam is probably the only one that will remember him when she gets older, and this kills me. He loved them more than a lot of the family they have left does and he is the one that should get a piece of their heart...this makes me angry too. Every time I go to Poppy's house I still smell him and every car ride home is filled with tears. I will never forget you Poppy, I just wish that I could have you here with me now. Our family is lost without you, you are missed beyond words. I love you!!!